behaviourism, Counselling, psychology, self defeating behavior, self defeating behaviours, Uncategorized

26. Self Defeating Behaviours (part 2)

Self Defeating Behaviours: the origins

blus bk n glasses.jpeg

Self Defeating Behaviours (SDB) originate often, for example, during childhood with overly critical parents where the child is not allowed to talk or have a different opinion, leading the child to eventually feel like he is always doing/saying the ‘wrong’ thing and is always in the ‘wrong’. Thus, in adulthood, the person, believing that they are always in the ‘wrong’, is likely to have adopted several SDBs that they subconsciously believe have previously helped them to ‘cope’. For example, they may live with ‘ostrich syndrome’ where they continuously have their head in the sand to avoid facing situations that they believe are too challenging for them to cope with. They may even believe subconsciously that their presence will ‘only make matters worse’.

Similarly, an individual who has been badly treated or raised by a violent father may, as an adult, be attracted to violent partners who are going to mistreat them in a similar way. This is common in children who are raised to believe that they are incapable of doing anything properly. The child then becomes so dependent on another person believing that only someone else can carry out tasks properly and thus, this is what is subconsciously required in finding a partner. Their lack of self esteem will contribute further to this, believing that they don’t deserve to be treated any better.

Preservation of SDBs

The preservation of these SDBs is due to the underlying mechanisms of the mind, which is, of course, at the centre of everything. As one experiences life in general and the variety of (often very emotional) events that occur, ‘coping’ strategies, which have been helpful during a previous similar experience, are stored in one’s subconscious. This enables the conscious mind, at any subsequent similar situation, to quickly ascertain the best course of action to be taken by the individual to ‘survive’ through it in the ‘best’ way possible. The conscious mind does this through considering both internal (e.g., psychological reasoning) and external methods (e.g., eating chocolate) where the subconscious can be relied on to adopt stored coping strategies that were previously successful and the conscious mind attempts to manage behaviours etc. that are appropriate in response to any novel circumstances. This is usually very effective. For example, after you burn your hand in the fire, your subconscious stores the strategy of avoiding touching flames (!) but when a new type of heating equipment is brought into the house, your conscious mind aids in the process of not getting burnt by being extra careful…to begin with at least. I will continue on this next week.

If you liked this, be sure to subscribe. It’s free and you will have access to my weekly blogs. If there are specific areas of interest that you would like me to write about, please comment or write a question and I’ll do my very best to answer. I would love to hear from you!

 

References

1.Baumeister, R.F. & Scher, S.J. (1988) Self-Defeating Behaviour Patterns Among Normal Individuals: Review and Analysis of Common Self-Destructive Tendencies. Psychological Bulletin, 104 (1), 3-22.

2.Brownson, C., & Hartzler, B. (2000) Defeat Your Self-Defeating Behavior Understanding & Overcoming Harmful Patterns (T1 082). The clearing house for Structured/Thematic groups and Innovative programs. Texas, USA. Accessed 6/1/19. http://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download;jsessionid=BAECD64A429CAC98207F80C0FE3868CF?doi=10.1.1.434.2963&rep=rep1&type=pdf

3.Rogers, C. R. (1951) Client- Centered Therapy, London, Constable and Company Ltd.

 

behaviourism, Counselling, over eating, psychology, self defeating behavior, self defeating behaviours, Uncategorized

25. Self Defeating Behaviours (part 1)

Self Defeating Behaviours

blus bk n glasses.jpeg

Self Defeating Behaviours (SDB) are things that we do when we are feeling, for example, low, fed up, sad, nervous, anxious or have another kind of undesirable feeling that we find hard to handle. So, the behaviour makes us feel better, or at least, we believe the behaviour makes us feel better! It is a “comfort” behaviour, which helps “soothe” us when we don’t like having the feeling.

Why is it self defeating? Often, the SDBs are not very good for us or are unhealthy and when they are repeated more often, can actually be damaging to our health. Common SDBs include, for example, eating junk food, overeating, smoking, drinking alcohol. Think of all the things you do when you need comfort. Can you think of a few things that you often do to comfort yourself or make yourself feel better?

Baumeister & Scher (1988) defined self defeating behaviour (SDB) as “any deliberate or intentional behaviour that has clear, definitely or probable negative effects on the self…(and that) the behaviour must be intentional although the harm to self (does) not have to be the intended or primary goal of the action.”[1]. Furthermore, according to Brownson and Hartzler (2000), a SDB is “a repetitive pattern of behaviour in which the individuals’ goal-directed attempts to fulfill a basic human need, result in unintended and harmful consequences”. Brownson and Hartzler (2000) continue that the “definition places no constraints on the particular problematic situation or behaviour. Rather, the focus is on the process whereby patterns are initiated and perpetuated”.

People who repeat the cycle of unsuccessful attempts to satisfy a basic, “core” need (e.g., love, control, connection with others) with SDBs are more likely to suffer depression, anxiety, and social isolation in later life [2]. This may be further exasperated because the negative consequences of the SDBs eventually contribute to even more undesirable feelings which lead to more SDB… and so on.

From a ‘counselling’ perspective, it must be noted that although a SDB is never the best choice of behaviour, for that individual, the SDB has been helpful on a previous occasion as a strategy to cope, i.e., when the individual felt at high risk of being very hurt or feeling emotional pain. This experience is then stored in the subconscious allowing the individual to resort to the chosen SDB in subsequent times of angst, for example, unaware that they are carrying out behaviour that is NOT actually helping the situation nor helping them to cope. The ironic part of using a SDB is that the SDB eventually provokes the very eventuality that the individual is trying to avoid in the first place.

Some examples of such self defeating behaviours include: smoking, overeating, procrastination, not accepting responsibility (blaming others), not listening, pleasing (other) people, not allowing yourself to enjoy fun or pleasure, always being right, making excuses, e.g., for being late, forgetting an appointment, perfectionism, exaggerating, bearing a grudge forever, self-sacrifice (followed by self pity), being the victim, always being attracted to the same type of person even if not apparent at first, and avoiding change.

If you liked this, be sure to subscribe. It’s free and you will have access to my weekly blogs. If there are specific areas of interest that you would like me to write about, please comment or write a question and I’ll do my very best to answer. I would love to hear from you!

References

1.Baumeister, R.F. & Scher, S.J. (1988) Self-Defeating Behaviour Patterns Among Normal Individuals: Review and Analysis of Common Self-Destructive Tendencies. Psychological Bulletin, 104 (1), 3-22.

2.Brownson, C., & Hartzler, B. (2000) Defeat Your Self-Defeating Behavior Understanding & Overcoming Harmful Patterns (T1 082). The clearing house for Structured/Thematic groups and Innovative programs. Texas, USA. Accessed 6/1/19. http://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download;jsessionid=BAECD64A429CAC98207F80C0FE3868CF?doi=10.1.1.434.2963&rep=rep1&type=pdf